Oompa loompa doompety do, Netflix has a creepy new show for you.
Oompa loompa doompety dee, if you are wise, you’ll say ‘not for me.’

Perhaps not since the viral Willy’s Chocolate Experience fiasco has someone so missed the mark on how to make money off the Willy Wonka character.

Netflix is taking the sweet, candy-colored menace behind the classic 1971 film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which starred the late Gene Wilder, and turning it into a frenetic reality competition show for adults, hosted by the disembodied, AI-resurrected voice of the late Gene Wilder.

The show, awkwardly titled Wonka’s The Golden Ticket, will pit 12 adults (Augustus Gloop, Violet Beauregard, Charlie Bucket, Veruca Salt et al can sit this one out) and their partners against each other in games based on the film. The contestants, as seen in the trailer released Wednesday, “will step through the gates of Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and into a world of pure imagination, delicious mischief, and unexpected challenges. Once inside, contestants must navigate a series of Wonka’s games, tests, and temptations designed to challenge them physically, mentally, and morally. In this high-stakes social experiment, players will journey through the factory’s wondrous and unpredictable landscape, adapting, strategizing, and withstanding the unknown while proving they have the instincts, resilience, and character to thrive in chaos. In the end, only one contestant will have what it takes to earn Wonka’s life-changing prize.”

That “life-changing” prize? It’s “a lifetime supply of money,” according to the eerie data-scraper recreating Gene Wilder vocal patterns. The definition of what amount constitutes a lifetime supply of money seems like it would very much be open to interpretation, but you can see now why they aren’t allowing children to compete.

To be fair about the AI thing, Wilder’s widow, Karen B. Wilder, signed off on the use of her late husband’s voice, saying, “we are delighted that Wonka’s The Golden Ticket celebrates the warmth and imagination that he brought to the role, introducing that magic to a new generation while honoring the fans who have cherished it for decades.”

And there is one actual human being reprising his role from the 1971 film: Rusty Goffe, who played an Oompa Loompa will appear, adding a bit of verisimilitude to Netflix’s attempts at recreating sets from the film, like the chocolate river or the factory floor.

Netflix, in the caption for the trailer on YouTube, asks, “who will survive the twists and turns Wonka throws their way? Find out September 23rd.” Thus, we can’t rule out the possibility that someone is going to fall into that chocolate river and never be seen again. Maybe more than one person!

The 1971 Willy Wonka movie was adapted from Roald Dahl’s original 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Tim Burton made his version of the story under that title in 2005 with Johnny Depp cast as the mad chocolatier. In 2023, Timothée Chalamet portrayed the character in a standalone origin story titled Wonka, and Taika Waititi’s animated take on Charlie vs. the Chocolate Factory is due next Christmas, so we obviously the public still has an appetite for Willy.

The original Willy Wonka movie, and Wilder’s sarcastic yet earnest portrayal of the character, have been beloved for 55 years for a reason. But why turn it into a reality show featuring a lackluster, computer-generated imitation of Wilder’s voice? And does anyone want to watch a bunch of random adults licking wallpaper for cash?

Oompa loompa doompety dee, we can only wait and see.