At the right time, with the right person, former Bachelor Colton Underwood was ready to live his truth – and may be returning to reality TV.

In an interview Wednesday with Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, Underwood, who is also a former pro football player, spoke openly with the interviewer about coming to terms with who he really is over the past year.

“Obviously this year’s been a lot for a lot of people, and it’s probably made a lot of people look themselves in the mirror and figure out who they are and what they’ve been running from or what they’ve been putting off in their lives. For me, I’ve ran from myself for a long time and I’ve hated myself for a long time, and I’m gay. I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it,” Underwood said. “The next step in all of this was sort of letting people know. I’m still nervous, but it’s been a journey for sure.”

It looks like the 29-year-old already has his next project lined up: a reality series. According to a source at E! News, the Bachelor alum is working with Netflix on the series, which will cover his journey before and after coming out. (Netflix, however, has declined to comment.) 

In the GMA interview, Underwood said that 2020 was the year that made everyone “look at themselves in the mirror and figure out who they are and what they’ve been running from or what they’ve been putting off in their lives.”

Roberts, who is also openly gay, told Underwood she could “see the joy” and “see the relief” in him. Underwood said he was “emotional in, like such a good, happy, positive way,” and is “the happiest and healthiest” he’s ever been after going through a “dark and bad” time before feeling like he could be open and his “wake up call” was feeling like he “would’ve rather died” than to say he was gay.

“There was a moment in L.A. that I woke up and I didn’t think I was gonna wake up. I didn’t have the intentions of waking up. And I did,” he said, to prevent other “suicidal thoughts” and allow him to “take back control” of his life.

Colton was the lead on The Bachelor before acknowledging his sexuality, and the fact that he was a virgin at the time was heavily played up. He said he understood how the women on that season may have felt misled, Underwood said he “would understand why they think that way.”

“I’ve thought a lot about this too, of, ‘Do I regret being the Bachelor and do I regret handling it the way that I did?’ I do,” he said. “I do think I could’ve handled it better, I’ll say that.”

Underwood said he “genuinely” wishes he hadn’t dragged people into “my own mess of figuring out who I was.” In addition to saying sorry to those women, he would said thank you because, ultimately, they and the franchise helped him get to this place.

Underwood’s season ended with him choosing Cassie Randolph, and the two were in a relationship for a year-and-a-half. Things between the two didn’t work out, and they broke up. In 2020, Randolph filed a restraining order, against Underwood for stalking and harassment, and filed a police report with claims that he had put a tracking device on her car. Later, Randolph dismissed the restraining order against Underwood and requested to drop the police investigation.

Underwood addressed the relationship in the interview. “I would like to say sorry for how things ended,” he said. “I messed up, I made a lot of bad choices.”

Underwood said he did feel he was in love with Randolph, but “that only made it harder and more confusing for me. If I’m being very honest, I loved everything about her. And it’s hard for me to articulate exactly what my emotions were, and going through that relationship with her was, because I obviously had an internal fight going on. I would just say that I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart.

Fortunately, Underwood said his friends and family have been very supportive of him coming out. “I’ve had sort of a range of responses,” he said. “The underlining, most common one was, ‘I wish you would have told me sooner.’ And when I hear that, I wish I would have had faith in my friends and family a bit more.”

Underwood’s football career started when he was a tight end at Illinois State. He was subsequently signed by the San Diego Chargers as a free agent in 2014, and played on the practice squad of the Oakland Raiders and Philadelphia Eagles.