He Slays You When You’re Sleeping: Marathon These Unconventional Holiday Flicks on Christmas
Have you seen A Christmas Story one thousand too many times? Sick of debating whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie? Are you just not emotionally ready for the depressing lows of It’s a Wonderful Life? Then maybe you need a new holiday movie marathon.
If you’re the kind of person that likes a little fright with your figgy pudding, a little gore with your gifts, and a little slay with your…sleigh, then check out these chilling holiday flicks. They may not be classics, they may not even be that good, but they are unconventional.
Deadly Games (1989)
You don’t know it yet, but this Christmas you need to see this French film featuring a kid decked out in Rambo drag fighting a rogue department store Santa Claus gone psycho while his diabetic granddad hides in a suit of armor. You just do. Young Rambo utilizes the best technology 1989 has to offer; in one scene he sends a fax asking for help. Also known as Dial Code: Santa and Game Over and long unavailable in the United States, this unintentionally hilarious piece of cinema is now available to stream on Shudder.
All Through the House (2015)
Starring Jessica Cameron, I guess, though not for long, this cheapo slasher is high on gore and light on back-story. A killer in a Santa mask (this will be a recurring motif) grabs some hedge trimmers and goes to town on sexually-active young adults, rendering them, um, inactive. Spoiler: if you try hard enough, the expression “a bag of dicks” can be more than just metaphorical. There is a twist on the evil St. Nick genre, but it doesn’t make up for the bad community-theater level acting. Available to the brave on Amazon Prime.
Gingerdead Man (2005)
The only movie on this list starring Gary Busey, and for that we apologize. A serial killer’s ashes somehow make it into a batch of cookie dough, and once baked, become the giant mutant cookie monster you see in the trailer. Busey provides the voice of the unconvincing rubber-suited baddie, and this movie is as light on gore as it is on Christmas spirit. Still, it clocks in at a brisk 70 minutes so it won’t eat up much of your day. Available to rent on Amazon.com.
Jack Frost (1997)
Another sentient holiday character gone evil, Jack Frost is what happens when a serial killer dies in the snow after being drenched in a genetic material spill, as anyone with a basic handle on science will tell you. This movie at least has a plot, and is better written than many of the slash-and-dash flicks on this list. Word to the wise, there are at least two movies called Jack Frost you could choose from; one is a family film starring Michael Keaton and one is this movie, where a snowman rapes Shannon Elizabeth in the shower. Select carefully. Available on Amazon.
Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984)
Finally, a film in which Santa is the victim, not the perp. This one is set in Great Britain, and a psycho killer has it in for Father Christmas, and the department stores of London have them in abundance. Scotland Yard is on the case in this film, but not in any kind of competent fashion. Bond babe Caroline Munro stars as herself in this one, and she sings! Available on Amazon.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
After witnessing his parents murdered by a killer in a Santa suit, a boy who grows up in a Catholic orphanage ends up being warped by the nuns, who put an inordinate amount of emphasis on both punishment and oddly, secular Christmas traditions. As soon as the movie contrives to put grown-up Billy in a Santa suit, the murderous mayhem begins. Characters are introduced only to be butchered moments later, so don’t plan on getting invested in any one in particular. This movie has several sequels and a remake (see below.)
Silent Night (2012)
“Christmas: the number one holiday for people going nuts,” says Malcolm McDowell’s sheriff character in this remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night. This movie poaches some scenes from the original but upgrades the story in a major way – and hires more talented actors. It also is a mystery: instead of following around a plodding killer as he dispatches victim after hapless victim, this movie is gives us Jaime King as a deputy who must figure out which faux Santa is the killer before it’s too late. Donal Logue also stars in a standout role as a bad Santa – but is he the baddest Santa?
Black Christmas (1974, 2006, 2019)
One movie, three different versions. The basic shell of the story involves sorority sisters stuck at school over the holiday break being picked off one by one. Black Christmas 1974 stars Margot Kidder as a chain-smoking, hard-drinking badass and Olivia Hussey the sweet, but not-so-innocent coed who must fight off a murderer who sneaks into the sorority house. Bob Clark, who also directed A Christmas Story (and Porky’s!) helmed this one, which is considered a classic in the genre and the movie that inspired John Carpenter to write Halloween. Watch it on Shout Factory TV.
Andrea Martin, who starred as a sorority sister in the first Black Christmas, returns as the house mother in the 2006 sequel. This movie gives the killer more of a history and is decidedly gorier. It stars Katie Cassidy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Lacey Chabert, among others. Available on Prime.
Black Christmas 2019 takes a decided different tack. Instead of a serial killer, the villain is the guys in a fraternity, or all frat guys, or all men in general, depending on how far you want to carry the message. Cary Elwes stars as a dastardly professor and Imogen Poots, Aleyse Shannon, Lily Donoghue and Brittany O’Grady are the persecuted sorority sisters. This film has more of a supernatural bent than its predecessors. It’s available on HBO.
Better Watch Out (2016)
If you combined Home Alone and Adventures in Babysitting and turned them into absolute nightmares, you’d have an inkling of what you’re in for with Better Watch Out. Twisted and genuinely scary, this movie is one better seen unspoiled. Patrick Warburton and Virginia Madsen star along with Olivia DeJonge and Levi Miller. Available on Amazon Prime.
Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)
At last! The all-singing, all-dancing, all-zombie holiday movie you’ve been waiting for. “Christmas is fast becoming my least favorite ‘C’ word,” says Anna, who with her school pals must deal with teachers, parents, relationships (or the lack thereof) and practicing for the holiday musical, all while fending off zombies. The acting is good, the songs are killer, and the stakes are high as these friends try to make it out of high school alive. Unlike many of the Christmas turkeys on this list, this movie is fun and funny; a genuine treat and good for (almost) the whole family. You can watch it on Hulu.
Honorable mentions to other great Christmas horror flicks, like Gremlins and Krampus. Be sure to put one of these unique holiday classics as you enjoy your holiday!